Chapter Five - Your Local Strip Joint

Your Local Strip Joint

It always cracks me up that girlfriends and wives get so worked up if they find out you’ve visited a strip club. In my opinion, there is no safer place for a businessman to go than one of these places. Apart from separating you from your money, getting you hard and randy as hell, and sending you away with blue balls, there’s no real advantage to these places. Now I know you will find guys that tell you they have a sexual relationship with a stripper (and some of them may be telling the truth) but there are better and much cheaper ways to get your rocks off. A stripper can be had but the time and effort and money needed, is just not worth the effort in my opinion. Nonetheless, I will tell you what I know about sexual encounters with strippers.

I have visited strip clubs from Dallas to London and only once, in Houston, was I ever offered sex for money. My friend and I walked into the club and we were set upon by a couple of real hotties. After a couple of lap dances, they asked if we wanted to take them back to our hotel. The price was about $300 each. No doubt they would have been hot in the sack but we declined. I couldn’t afford $300 at the time and could certainly not figure out a way to put it on my expense account…much to my chagrin. On the other hand, they could have been setting us up, with their huge boyfriends just waiting to cold cock us with a sock full of pennies in the parking lot. It’s a rough trade so be careful. Remember what I said about “big head, little head mentality”.

Author’s Experience: If you really want some sexual relief and you’re hell bent on a strip joint, I guess there are places where it is more likely. One time in New Paltz, New York, a very busty girl rode me (Zodiac lap dance style) until I creamed in my jeans. I can still remember her sweet cologne, her beautiful soft ass and Bon Scott crooning in the background. It’s a little embarrassing cumming in your pants though. Especially if you have to go back out to the bar with shirt un-tucked to hide a growing stain in your blue jeans. Another time a group of us went to a place in Santa Fe. This place was scary and they even screened us for weapons at the door. However, this Korean/Italian girl caught my eye and her lap dance was spectacular. She asked me to remove all the items in my pockets and then proceeded to gyrate on top of me until I had no choice but to cum. She knew it because she asked for another tip at the end of the song. I had to do that walk of shame again…shirt un-tucked…back to my buddies at the bar.

Now if you want some outright prostitution posing as a strip club, you can always go to San Francisco. Places like the O’Farrell Theater or basically any club near Larkin or O’Farrell streets, will have a pretty hot strip show on the stage. However, the real action is going on in the private rooms back stage. This can be hit or miss…mostly miss. The girls are most likely drug addicted scam artists. In other words, they’ll do the absolute minimum for as much as they can con out of you. My advice: If you must go in one of these places to check out the action, stay near the stage and pretend to watch the stage show intently. Don’t engage in conversation with just anyone. Wait until you see someone simply irresistible and then make eye contact. The more you can negotiate in the main room, the better off you’ll be. Once she gets you to a private room, she’ll have the advantage with all kinds of “house rules” etc. You’ll also feel funny and probably be marked as a problem client if you refuse her services and return to the stage area. The problem I find with these places is that they quote a service but give you a time limit like 10 minutes. I find the time limit to be frustrating. Under romantic circumstances a blow job could make me pop in 3 minutes but introduce the element of money, fear of being caught, and a mechanical sexual encounter with a hurried pro and it really takes the fun out of it…and often the erectness with it.

The two greatest towns for strip joints in my opinion are Austin, Texas and Portland, Oregon. Austin has the prettier girls but you’ll be hard pressed to find anyone willing to lap dance you to climax. In either place, avoid the obvious, large, glitzy establishments and try to select a lower profile place. The reason for this is that you will receive a lot more for your dollar than at the big, glamorous places and there are always one or two uber hotties even at the smaller places. I know a place in Austin; a dump really, but right off the freeway where you will receive more for a dollar (by walking up to the girl’s stage) than you will for $20 at a place like Sugar’s down the street.

Switching gears to Portland, you’ll find that this place has more strip joints per capita than anywhere else in the world (as far as I can tell). They even have their own strip joint, sexual services newspaper called the T&A Times. If you’re in Portland, swing in to the first club you see and pick up the T&A Times. With this paper you can plan your whole trip. Virtually everywhere you go in Portland is within a stones throw of a strip club. The other cool thing about Portland is that you can find a lot of vices under one roof. For example, you can drink, smoke, gamble, AND watch fully naked girls at many places in Portland. Try finding that elsewhere. I don’t think Las Vegas even allows gambling at strip clubs. The other thing about Portland is that the economy is so fickle. There are not a lot of jobs, especially for women, so if you want to make some cash and you’re a good looking woman, stripping is a decent option for you. Again, don’t necessarily go to the mega strip joints but find yourself a nice cozy pub-like establishment. Locate the best looking girl and make sure you are at her stage when she’s up. If I were trying to find a stripper to have a sexual encounter with, I’d try Portland. Unless you’re irresistible to women, you won’t score the first time out. But, some money thrown about in a nonchalant manner might just get a nibble after a couple of nights out. Stranger things are known to have happened.

I’m sure I will get comments about other cities and venues where one can get more than a lap dance at a strip joint. All I’m saying is, if you want some guaranteed action, these are not the places to go. If you want to watch some beautiful women dance naked, maybe have a nice lap dance that makes you hard, and go home horny and smelling like someone else’s perfume, go for it!

By the way, there’s an excellent reference site for this called the Ultimate Strip Club List and you can find it at www.TUSCL.com The site is now a membership site if you want to read reviews. The reviews are nice because they will describe in detail what to expect and even give out stripper names and details. If you want to save a buck, you can go there to find the names of the places and just use the yellow pages for locations.

5 tips for successful strip club mongering:

1) Do your research ahead of time. Check out www.TUSCL.com for highly rated places and stripper names. Membership may sound expensive but may also save you multiple cover charges and wasted lap dances.

2) High profile strip clubs (gentlemen’s clubs) will be policed more closely. Find a club that’s a bit smaller, cozier, and wanting to attract more clients.

3) Get close to the stage and observe what’s going on around you. Don’t let an aggressive stripper take you away before you’ve identified the bold and the beautiful.

4) Tip even the ugly and fat girls. There’s no need to save a buck. It looks bad to all the other strippers.

5) If all the girls are high pressure about tips and/or bitchy to the clients, just leave and find another place. Life is too short to be made to feel guilty by some 19-year-old beotch with a bad attitude.