Is Your Asian Massage Parlor (AMP) Doing More Than Massage (Local Mongering)

Ever wonder if that massage parlor down the street is offering more than massage?  Ever wonder if those ads in your weekly newspaper (showing beautiful young Asian gals) deliver what they allude to?  Or are you just looking for a place near home or work to relieve some of your stress?  Read on for a three step, practically fail-proof, method of answering your questions.

First though, if you haven’t done so, you’ll need to find your local AMP.  I want to emphasize that I use the term AMP or Asian Massage Parlor loosely.  Depending on where you live, there may be AMP-like opportunities with non-Asian workers.  There are plenty of Hispanic massage places and probably a few African ones as well.  It is very rare however to find a white American massage parlor that offers anything more than a strict massage. 

To find your local AMP you can do a number of things. 

First, there’s word of mouth.  Obviously if a friend or acquaintance has visited a place and recommended it, that is your best bet.  Second, as mentioned above, there are weekly newspapers – a majority of which will let massage parlors advertise.  Third, you may have driven by an AMP, seen the phone number on its window and wondered hmmmmmm?

If you have a phone number out of an advertisement or off a storefront window, that’s all you’ll need for my “practically fool-proof” method of determining if your AMP is providing happy endings.  This is a simple three-step process that we’ll keep as simple as possible.

1)      Call the phone number to your prospective AMP and listen to whoever answers the phone.  Is English her second language?  If so, chances that you’ve found an AMP providing more than massage are 33%.

2)      Next, ask how late they are open.  If the answer is later than 8:00 PM, your chances that this is an AMP providing more than massage are now 66%

3)      Finally, ask if you need an appointment or if you can just walk in.  If the response is that you can just walk in, you’ve found your AMP…99% anyway.

The theory of this simple three-step process is that (a) these places are almost all populated with non-English speakers, (b) no self-respecting legitimate massage place stays open past 8:00, and (c) any legitimate massage place will most likely require an appointment.

Use this tool in your mongering quest and may you FSA!  Happy Endings.